Dead Eye

Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone and noticed a difference? Eyes that normally have been full of life and twinkle, but now are deadened by life’s harsh realities. It is almost as if life itself has been sucked right out of them. Deeply saddened eyes where hope is gone and their reality is strangled with a cloud of despair. On occasion, for a moment, the pain is forgotten by a smile or the visit of an old friend, then the certainty of the pain returns as quickly as it departed. Guilt follows with its grim reminder that you don’t deserve to be happy. Confusion abounds. The once easy life is gripped with indecision on every front.

The question you find yourself wallowing in is “why?” Why me? Why now? Why this? Of course there are other lingering thoughts like: How long will this last? Can I go on another day? Will I ever feel normal again? Grief is weird.

It was hard last weekend going back to my father-in-laws place near Harrisville. The drive was fine for the most part but as mom, Connie and I got out of the car all of the emotions came racing back in. Mom almost took an hour before she could go back into the home she has known for almost ten years. We all cried and remembered outside while we were looking at flowers that had sprung up around the yard, occasionally pausing to wipe our saddened eyes.