Farting In The Pew

My youngest son has a knack for falling asleep ANYWHERE! I have found him sleeping on the grass by the bushes, (at about 3) on the toilet (he recently told about a couple of classes during his senior year where he got quite a bit of rest that way) and, of course, in a church service almost every week of his young life. Once, during one of those church services, sitting on wooden pews, at about four years old, Ryan was sawing logs hardcore. (Drool would often drench my pant leg like a slow dripping faucet.) In this older traditional gathering we would often have to suddenly stand up while he was still sleeping which would bring about much confusion for the little guy as he struggled to stay in sleep mode. On one occasion he was leaning up against his Mom and during a particularly quiet moment he lets a LARGE burst from his shorts rumble off the wooden seats. I’m sure everyone heard it. While Ryan slept through the blessed event, his mom and I slithered down the pew to the comfort of the floor, covering our laughter and sudden embarrassment with our hands, (we sat near the front).

This past weekend I farted in the pew, so to speak. We were having a High School lock-in, (yes, at almost 43 I am a real idiot!) during which we have a small campfire outside. It was great. We laughed, told stories, had marshmallow wars and attempted to roast frozen hot dogs. Then someone reminded me that I wanted to burn an old broken couch so the students rushed in, got the couch and threw it on the fire to roast. Instead of roasting it roared, melting the vinyl siding off the building before we calmed it down. Well, this was a first in twenty some years of working with students, and to highlight the occasion Sunday Peter renamed me Pastor Pyro and we are planning on nailing the remnants of the siding up in the still standing Student Room! Ummmm, thank you God!