Slow Death

"When Christ calls a man he bids him to come and die."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Death is painful. The older I get, the more afraid of death I become. Not the general idea of dying and going to heaven - that sounds great and will be awesome beyond compare. It's the avenue that we travel in death that will often scare me. The method of the dying that gives me pause. Even harder still, is this dying to oneself. The older I become the more I realize what a hopeless scumbag I am. The things that need to die in my life seem to be growing like a "honey do" list of a vengeful wife. Dying sucks. Most days I'd rather be comfortable with how I've always been, rather than going through the death of me, but alas, that is our call.

God, today, help me to see the part of me that must die, not so I can have a funeral for it, but so I can rejoice in the knowing that you are still moving in my life as you tear this old selfish me from my heart!